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NGa Lorie
Catch the wind_________Catch the breath
..And there he was ,alone...,an island that appears and dissapears because of the sea waves ,waves of his feelings ,his soul.He could feel the edges ,the sea shores but he could never touch the bottom of the sea .Its depth was unreachable.
He was sitting quietly ,caressing his instrument ,with his fingertips as if it was the only love of his life.He remembered ,his sax had always been in the corner of his room ,waiting for him in tempest times and euphoric blisses .He had been patient baring the frustrations ,the bad tempers of his master with quiet charm.It had come to a point when he didn't know wheather he had absorbed like a spunge his instrument's quietness or his quietness was reflected on the instrument. He knew though that after all those years of playing his alto sax ,he had become one with it. It was the part that he identified himself ,it was his life.
His hand went over the pipe ,down the keys, along the body smoothly ,gently as if worshiping the woman of his dreams .The woman of his dreams! Yeah ,his Emma, his joyfull Emma.
Even now after two years of their break up ,he dreamed of her smile, her white chicks ,her smoky figure ,her i-got-all -the world-for-you devotion.Thinking again ,his heart ached ,ached of her everything.
He sensed the irony of their love story and swallowed.His mouth was dry.She could make him weak even with a single thought. He laughed hysterically, breathing hard.
He was an island waiting for his owner.
-Emma,you can dance along my shores ,on my soil, around the trees of my island and the wind will caress you.When the wind stops ,you'll know i have run out of breath ....becouse you catch my breath.
And her eyes always shone from happiness .He remembered their light ,bright lively light.
-Do you know honey ,what it means for me when you catch my breath?
She stared at him curiously :"NO"
-That means ,i will not be able to play my good old horn.
And she laughed ,harder...while he was serious, dead serious...
He had sensed the danger since he met her,her fiery passion that pushed to the edge ,drove him breathless.
And he loved that danger,he adored that passion and responded with the same dose himself,the dose she hadn't expected to be that strong,that deep passion under his quietness ,under his shell.And when she had opened his shell ,fired up his dreams ,she had wanted more and more .She had wanted to reach the bottom but the bottom for him was breathtaking....
Clashing of egos? Yeah ,that's what it was.When he had to choose between his two passions he didn't know he was giving up the love the he was going to regret for all his life.
...and then with pain in her heart she was gone ,like wind....
When he realized what he had done ,he ran after her ,looked for her but he didn't catch her.No wind can be caught.
Why couldn't he have his sax and his Emma the same?
Ha had never found the answer but he knew that she would have won over his music ,she would have transformed him in another person,or was he already?
Oh what destructive passion ! It had hurt so much then and it still did.
He held his sax to his arms .At least some passions didn't let people down .He would always have his loyal sax,waiting for him in the corner of his room .He caressed the kyes and played a tune ,then paused,took a deep breath for gathering some strength and played again ,this time an arpagio.When it warmed up he started palying Satin Doll from Duke Ellington.What memories he had! When she had left ,he had become a very famous player ,composing his own jazz music ,and playing always palying to fill the void she had created .But the void could never be replaced ,even with other women.All that passion that Emma had lightened ,fed women that didn't deserve it.
-What a shame-he thought-how sad!
And still the void had gone deeper till he had found a way to lessen it : playing for her,breathing for her at the point that the wind embraced her.
-This is for you darling-he wispered to himself and started playing Emma's favourite piece:Isfahan from Johny Hodges.It was a music of silence and loudness ,a melding of sensuality and comfort, of rest and storm. He remembered making love to her when the music was playing. The crescnedos and decrescendos of tunes, of bodies, of skin .Their breathes mingled -----his breathing choked.
And he played ,sweating and squirming. Only after the interlude of the song he started the circular breathing but could not hold his breath for long.
He palyed his horn till dawn, pouring his heart,playing the same piece again and again only for her,creating his suspense,perspiring and screaming ,......till he had no breath...
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Emma was breathing easily ,filling the lungs with fresh air while she was listening to Isfahan...Then she turned around confused of what's happening when she sensed the air move ,a fresh wind blow .And after some minutes the wind stopped abruptly .Then she knew ,and she cried like a child........
catch the breath
__________________
It takes just as much courage to express your love when it's right, as it does to walk away when it's wrong.
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20 Dhjetor 2005 10:05
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